Children are faced with many obstacles in their lives, like bullying, low self-esteem, and feeling anxious and discouraged. Some children try to self-soothe their symptoms through non-suicidal self-injury acts (e.g., cutting, burning, biting oneself, ingesting substances), and for others it can lead to fatalities like suicide or suicide by accident. If a parent learns their child is self-injuring, they are likely to experience a range of emotions, from shock or anger, to sadness or guilt. All of these feelings are valid. Parents, it takes a village and it is necessary to reach out for professional help when this occurs. Therapy is a safe place for parents and their kids to learn how to understand and support each other and grow through experiences like this.
Parents must be equipped to tackle their child’s concerns by remaining calm and creating opportunities for connection. When your child attempts to reach out to you, take a moment, and respond with kindness and empathy. Your child has just made a big step in asking for help.
Sometimes kids will show signs of self-injury without communicating directly, such as wounds on skin, staining on their clothing, inappropriate clothing for different climates, trying to cover up, and long sleeves. Caregivers and parents, avoid losing your cool, answer in ways that acknowledge and validate your child’s feelings and needs, such as “I am glad you told me about this” or “We are going to get through this as a family.” Do not punish the child, but instead work together to help the child understand what he/she is experiencing. These kinds of responses can make a huge difference in your child’s life.
Acknowledge that direct questions may feel overwhelming and anxiety producing for your child, especially coming from an attachment figure. Try to focus your questions on helping your child recognize the issue and the need for support.
Here are some examples of what you might say:
- “How do you feel before you self-injure? How do you feel after you self-injure?” Building an understanding of what led to this behavior —the events, thoughts, and feelings is so important to be able to change it.
- “How does self-injury help you feel better?”
- “What is it like for you to talk with me about hurting yourself?”
If you are concerned about your child’s well being or safety due to a mental health crisis reach out to the following resources:
- Call 911 or visit your local ER
- Call the Tucson Crisis Response Center (520) 622-6000
- Call the Do not self-injure hotline 1 (800) 366-8288
Written by Jessica Barrera Castro