Child development Archives - Resilience Therapy

Here is some good news kids, “Summer vacation is approaching!” Parents, here is some bad news…”Summer vacation is approaching…”

Is the arrival of summer so bad? Why do parents find this time stressful? Children can answer that question with one simple statement, “I am bored.” Does boredom lead to cognitive decline? In short, not necessarily, especially depending on how the downtime is used. While keeping children busy with extracurricular activities and screen time could be helpful and a great learning experience, it is also important to provide some downtime. Balance is the key to this thought process.

In, “The Yes Brain” by Daniel J. Siegal M.D., and Tina Payne Bryson, providing children with a balanced life through imaginative play can lead to discovery and exploration, along with learning about interests and disinterests. Through play, children learn and build upon planning and predicting, consequences, and cognitive skills. Not only does play enhance such aspects, but it also provides children a space to practice being social and learning emotional regulation.

Parents, you have so much going on in your lives. Doesn’t it feel good now and again to reset? The same can be said about children. During summer break, children can spend time with family and friends, leading to socializing and creating connections.

Children can also catch up on sleep, which is another huge aspect of development. It is said within The Yes Brain book, that age and development play a huge role in how many hours of sleep (including naps) are needed for each age range. To put sleep hours into a visual perspective, Daniel J. Siegal M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson share The American Academy of Sleep Medicine results, which are endorsed by The American Academy of Pediatrics. Let’s take a look at what is being recommended:

Ages 4-12 months= 12-16 hours of sleep (including naps)

Ages 1-2 years old= 11-14 hours of sleep (including naps)

Ages 3-5 years old= 10-13 hours of sleep (including naps)

Ages 6-12 years old= 9-12 hours of sleep

Ages 13-18 years old= 8-10 hours of sleep

I ask all parents to ponder upon these numbers. Are your children getting enough sleep? Sleep is a crucial component of the well-being of a child. Summertime can be the perfect time to catch up and create healthy sleep patterns for the upcoming school year.

As Daniel J. Siegal M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson explain, downtime is different from planned extra-curricular time. Typically, extra-curricular time involves activities such as soccer, dance, baseball, chess practice, etc. These types of activities are not to be discouraged but should be balanced with rest and self-exploration. Television, video games, and screen time…what is the deal with those? Again, the main consideration to keep in mind is a balanced lifestyle. One that can provide children with time to rest, explore, and be involved in the social aspects of the community.

Sleep, rest, and free play during summer, how many of you are in? But what should you do when your child comes up to you and says, “I am bored”? The answer is not a simple one parents, but providing space for your child to use their imagination can be the start. Allow them to explore the yard and play in the mud. This will engage the right side of their brain. This will help them build those core memories. Give them some tools to engage in a different and unique play where they can create their scenarios. Parents, while this information may be helpful it may not always be perfect and that is okay. Give it a try though. You never know, you might also be cheering hooray for the summer! Hooray for downtime! Regardless, you’ve got this parents!

To get some ideas, check these links out:

STEM Resources for Parents | National Inventors Hall of Fame®

100 Summer Fun Ideas for Kids and Parents

Free Summer Bucket List for Teens Printable Checklist (temeculablogs.com)

10 Cool Activities with Ice to Kickstart the Summer – Happy Tot Shelf

Check out “The Yes Brain” for more:

The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child: Siegel, Daniel J., Bryson, Tina Payne: 9780399594663: Amazon.com: Books

Written by Celina Peña

The way in which a child grieves and their understanding of death is influenced by their age and developmental level. Understanding your child’s developmental stage can help you know how to talk to your child about their grief.

Ages 2-4: Children at this age think in the present moment, therefore their grief is in the present moment. They do not think death is permanent or forever. Children at this age are very concrete thinkers and cannot understand abstract ideas like death. Their best understanding of death can be explained in what happens to the body. For example, “Grandpa died. His heart stopped beating so his body couldn’t work anymore. He died.”

Ages 5-7: Children at this age begin to understand connections and are interested in the process. They may begin to ask questions like “how” and “why” their special person died as they begin to gain a basic understanding of the death. They are still concrete thinkers at this age. You could say, “Grandpa died because he had problems with his heart that could not be fixed by medicine or doctors. His heart stopped working and he died.”

Ages 8-11: Children at this age understand the finality of death. Children are detail oriented at this age and may ask very specific questions about the death. They may begin to show more emotions when processing their grief. They may ask, “What was the problem with Grandpa’s heart?” As a parent you want to answer honestly and basically. “His heart became too weak and could not deliver as much blood to the body as it should and then his body couldn’t do all of its important jobs to stay alive.”

Ages 12-18: Children are developing their identity and self-esteem at this age. They understand and can conceptualize death. Teens understand their world from an egocentric perspective. Often, they feel that no one understands what they are going through. They may look to peers or people outside of their family for support as they process their grief. Be honest about the death as this builds trust between the parent and teen. Offer to answer any questions they have and emotional support if and when they need it.

Your child’s grief will shift over time as they enter into different developmental stages. It is very normal for grief to surge during these developmental shifts. This occurs because your child can process death using increased levels of abstract thinking and with more complex emotions.

There are many ways you can support your child through these developmental stages.

Encourage your child to ask questions and let your child know that they can ask you anything.
Be truthful and open with your child and build trust and safety with them.
Find a special way to remember the special person with your child.
Offer to connect them with child and teen therapy services for additional support as they navigate their grief and developmental changes.

The Gift of Downtime

How To Talk to Your Child or Teen about Death and Grief