When children are resistant to counseling, it can be frustrating. You, as the parent, want them to be happy and healthy, and to be able to process their emotions in healthy ways as they grow and experience new life experiences. You feel that counseling will be able to offer them tools and techniques that will help them tackle the trials they are facing. But, they say they say they don’t want to and continue to refuse no matter what you say. This is a completely natural response. It can seem like an intimidating thing to do. Talking to a stranger about your feelings is hard and initially can feel scary. A child refusing to go to therapy, may not be ready to engage in counseling presently, that is normal and ok, but there are a few more things you may decide to explore before moving on. 

Have an open-minded and empathy-filled conversation with your child when they (and you)  are in a calm and open mood. Many kids worry that the reason that their parents want them to go to counseling is because, “I am bad” or “something is wrong with me”. Right off the bat, normalize therapy, by explaining how it is similar to having a doctor to help our bodies. Most people go to the doctor to check up on, get help with and learn about their body. Connect this to how every human also has emotions, thoughts and behaviors and we also all need support with learning about and getting help with our emotional well-being. We don’t go to therapy because “something is wrong with us”. We go to therapy because we are human and we need a team of support to help us through the challenges of life. At Resilience Therapy, we take a strengths-based approach to working with children, youth and families. Throughout therapy the child will learn about and discover their own unique strengths and how those can be built upon to meet their goals and help that child or teen see just how resilient they truly are. 

When kids refuse to go to counseling a parent wonders, “why?”. Sometimes kids can’t exactly express their “why” for the choices they make or the things they say or do. Start with validating their emotions and possible hesitation. Then, rather than asking them “why”, see if you can have them talk about what their thoughts and feelings are surrounding the idea of counseling. What are the pros and cons of going? What do they think will happen if they go? Sometimes giving the example of your “why” can help kids find their own. Do they know why you want them to try counseling (i.e. share your hopes for ways they could feel better or understand themselves better, to learn about mental health together)? Better yet, try to help them uncover why they may want to go to counseling for themselves ( i.e. what goals do they have for their emotions and where could they see themselves benefiting from support). Helping them see their own desire or reasons to engage in counseling will increase their motivation to not only go but to be an active participant.  Perhaps, through these exploratory discussions, they can give you some insight into their world and what is making them reluctant or what they would find beneficial to work on. You may choose to empower them so that they can work on whatever they would find beneficial and create their own goals for therapy, as a nice starting point. From there, the child, parent and therapist can collaborate on a plan. Once you understand their worries and needs, you can address their concerns with facts about the experience that reduces their fears, helpful explanations that increase their understanding and problem solving together to make it a good and beneficial experience for them.

At Resilience Therapy, we love to engage children and youth in fun and creative ways. We often use crafts, games, activities, music and rewards to help children learn about and process their thoughts, emotions and behaviors. We also have fidget toys for the youth to play with while we talk. We find this brings a lot of joy and comfort to the kids we work with. 

We make every effort to help the child and teen feel heard, understood, appreciated, and cared for. They will never be forced to do or say anything in our counseling sessions. This is a non-judgemental and safe space for them, so we will do our best to make sure they feel at ease. We operate under the idea that no client cares what we know until they know that we care, so we always make sure that the first thing we communicate in therapy is the fact that we, as therapists, care about each child, their health and success in accomplishing their goals. We believe the number one success of therapy is the relationship that is developed between the therapist, client and family. We take the time, care and intentionality needed to build an individualized relationship that meets the unique needs of each child.