Tag: Emotional Regulation

Book Series Reflection

Posted on by Susie Munsey

The Whole-Brain Child

 

Our awesome team member, Elizabeth Scott, read three books by Dr. Daniel Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson and has shared her thoughts on each book! We highly recommend these books for parents, caregivers and adults working with children. We hope you enjoy and learn from these books as much as our team has!

Whole Brain Child

I found this book to be both fascinating and helpful.  I learned a lot more about the different parts of the brain and how they impact children’s behavior and overall development.  The book broke down how the left hemisphere of the brain rules logic while the right side of the brain rules emotion.  It’s important for children to find a balance between using these different parts of their mind.  I also learned about the idea of the “upstairs” and “downstairs” brain and how children’s upstairs brains are not fully formed until they reach their 20’s.  Parents often react to the downstairs brain when it is important to nurture the upstairs brain through connection and communication.  The whole brain child, if appropriately encouraged, is explorative and creative in life and is able to develop his or her inner self.   Meanwhile, the “no brain” child is reactive and fearful.  Caregivers need to harness the tools necessary to encourage the whole brain child in order to promote healthy overall development of self and mind.

 

No-Drama Discipline

The underlying theme of this book is all about connection between caregivers and children.  I love the idea that the root of discipline breaks down to learning rather than punishment.  I learned that it’s vital to connect with children to shift from “reactivity to receptivity”.  To me this means that children are able to embrace the “why” of a given limit enforced by a parent instead of receiving redirection without a rationale.  The reason behind a child’s behavior is so important to address because it helps them advocate for themselves and develop their own voice.

I also enjoyed learning about how caregivers are encouraged to take a step back from overtalking to their children when different issues arise.  When a child is in need of redirecting, depending on their developmental stage they will likely tune you out if you overly explain your reasons for limiting screen time or demanding an earlier bedtime.  It’s also so necessary to ensure that children are calm before any kind of redirection takes place.  Consistency yet not rigidity as a caregiver ensures that you can take a realistic approach to everyday “discipline” situations that arise.

 

The Yes Brain

This book continues the theme of connection that is emphasized in No-Drama Discipline.  I love how the authors discuss the power of free play and how this has become a lost art in our modern culture and society.  The “Yes Brain” underlines a child’s ability to have an inner world and play is one crucial way to accomplish this.  It is hard to measure a child’s imagination but finding a balance of different types of brain activity will support the Yes Brain.  I also enjoyed the book’s discussion of Growth Mindset and the power of yet.  This consistently promotes children’s resiliency and encourages them to take risks in order to grow internal strength and flexibility.  

I love how this book provides concrete suggestions for developing a Yes Brain.  Children need enough sleep, for example, in order to positively function.  They also discuss that parents serve what the authors refer to as a “healthy mind platter” in which there are different times of brain work, from down time to focus time.  It’s also crucial to balance the family’s schedule so that children have a healthy balance of activity and that their inner world/imagination is being nourished.  I like the strategy of the “4 S’s” to provide to children: Safe, Seen, Soothed, and Secure.  

Connecting and Redirecting

Posted on by Susie Munsey

 

Every parent has likely had the struggle of attempting to rationalize with their irrational child. Be it over wanting to wear Superman pajamas vs Batman pajamas to bed, wanting to eat dessert before dinner, why they can’t crawl around on the ceiling like Spiderman, or something else. When children get upset, they tend to lose all reason and just want what they want. As parents, this can get frustrating. Many end up falling into the trap of losing their patience and using terms like, “Because I said so”, “Why don’t you understand ____? We’ve gone over this”. Often this leads to bigger arguments, tears, and an unhappy household.

In the Whole Brain Child book, Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson give some strategies on how to take these situations and turn them into calm, learning moments that promote bonding and understanding. The Connect and Redirect strategy is to first remember that we were taught logic over time, it is not our brain’s natural response to our feelings and frustrations. Even as adults we struggle to add logic to our big emotions, so imagine how difficult that is for our children who are still learning to even put words to those big feelings. It may seem counterintuitive, but trying to rationalize with them using logic isn’t the best approach.

Instead, try meeting them where they are at: Get down to their eye level, use a calm voice and body language, engage empathetically, listen non-judgmentally, and take their problems as seriously as they are. When we approach our emotional children with emotion, it lets them know that we are hearing them and are taking the time to consider what they are saying versus feeling brushed off and sent back to bed. In this state, they are only using their emotional right-side brain. When we connect with their right brain, using our right brain, it helps to bring them back into balance. Then, once they are calm again, we can introduce left-brain logic and redirect.

Here they can take the time to learn how to problem solve and make a plan to ease their worries or frustrations. This may not always work, as sometimes their emotional storm is too far gone and just needs time to pass before introducing the Connect and Redirect strategy, but remember, it’s never okay for them to harm others, themselves, or property when they are experiencing these right brain emotional floods. They still need to be safe, and your rules and boundaries still deserve to be respected.

 

Written by Emily Brown